There's a plague going around. A few symptoms of this new plague are A) people think that other people on facebook actually care what they have to say, and B) the other people think that the other person is telling the whole truth. I'm talking about all these facebook status games that keep polluting my news feed. You all know them: "truth is...", "George thinks...", the stupid numbers thing, just to name a few. Well truth is... you're retarded. And how truthful do you think your friends are being? "Truth is you're a great friend and even though we don't hang out much, I love being with you" secretly means, "I don't like you, I just keep you as a quasi-friend so you don't go all Columbine and kill me one day. And I wanna bang your sister. And your mom. Preferably at the same time." Mind Blown? Thought so. Anywho, I thought these games were monotonous, and not very fun. So I made my own. And I would love for somebody to post one as your status.
-If I could punch you in one place...
-Like and I'll tell you who in your life I want to get eaten my rabid gazelles...
-I'll kill your pet by...
-I would ____ with your ____ in your _____...
-My penis thinks ... about your snatch
-In the event of a school shooting I hope you go #___...
-Like and I'll tell you what I would try to smuggle through customs at the airport for you...
-Like and I'll tell you why I shudder when you walk into the room...
-On a deserted island, I would go ___ number of days before eating you...
-If we were drunk on a Greyhound bus headed to Tucson, and all we had was $13.45, a suitcase full of cough medicine, and a dead vulture, and you looked at me and said "I have diarrhea", and we had no pants on, and both of us had tattoos on our chest from when we were on peyote at Burning Man, and then you tried to kiss me with fecal matter splattering everywhere behind you, and the woman whom said anal grease was gushing on started beating you with her newborn baby who was wearing an authentic native american headdress, I would...
-If we were in an orgy on the great wall of china, I would...
-Like and I'll tell you what color banana hammock goes best with your complexion...
-Like and I'll tell you when I think you'll have your first abortion, no blacks, that's unfair...
-Like and I'll tell you who killed your father...me...
-Like and I'll make an outrageous metaphor for how much I hate you...
-If we were both inside Meryll Streep....
-If we were inside Evan's Jeep, I would...
-If we were being attacked by a bear and he happened to be a Jew and you were kosher, I would...
-Like if you're kosher and want to go camping...
-Like and I'll choose your firing squad...
-Like and I'll tell you where I'm hiding hamsters inside my body...
-Like and I'll tell you if I may have given you ______ at the party (ONLY like if your name is Teresa)....
-If you like this, it's fitting that the 'like' symbol is a thumbs up because...
-When I first saw you, I thought you were smuggling ______ under your shirt...
-Like and I'll tell you what I would do if Mark Wahlberg ran into the room with only a Persian flag for clothing and he was covered in butter and then you pulled a gun on me and declared war on the state of Azerbaijan, and out of Mark Wahlberg's anus popped the trix rabbit, who was on a Vision Quest from the Cherokee to see who stole his pocket-pussy, and an alligator spirit descended from the heavens and pissed on you, I would...
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